1 Student Teaching Placement Down, 1 To Go!

Friday was the last day of my first placement for student teaching. This was a very hard placement for me. I spent many evenings crying and wondering how I would ever make it through. It wasn't at all what I have planned to do with the rest of my life. I didn't understand how anyone could want to be around the cursing, violence, and negativity that fills that place on a daily basis. It wore me out, but it also broke me. I learned to stop focusing on the difficulties. I prayed that God would show me these students the way He sees them - the precious and beautiful children of God that they are. He opened my eyes when I began to pray for that revelation. The cursing and negativity were still hard. But I became broken for these kids. Kids that are hungry, lonely, and hurting. Kids that don't know how to love, because they've never felt loved. I never imagined I would say this, but I will truly miss them. Saying good bye was so hard. I had longed for the day I would be done there, and now that it has come, I'm sad. I'm sad I can't make a difference in their world any longer. I pray God will put someone there that will. Someone to believe in them, someone to see them different, someone to see them they way He does. Someone to give them hope and a future - I know my God can do that. During my time there I fell in love a completely unmotivated young man that has a very rough life and story. I rarely got him to do any work or to care about school. But for some reason he came to school. I'm told he asked about me everyday while I was gone - a true genuine concern as to whether I was going to be okay. This is a kid that has had his heart hardened by the harsh realities of his world. I watched God break this precious young man down. I will miss his bright and shining face each morning and the daily question of "what up Miss Wieland?!" I'm not sure why he was so drawn to me. Why he was respectful to me and cared what I thought about him. He didn't care what other adults thought of him, what their rules were, etc. Maybe it's because I truly believed in him. Yesterday he told me he wasn't going to come to school anymore. This tough 15 year old boy that I've seen become a whole new person, said there's no point now. He said there's no point if I'm not there. This broke my heart. I never gave this boy anything special - I just gave him a chance to be someone the world has said he couldn't be. I gave him hope, and I never stopped believing in him. The first time he's ever experienced that, and now I'm gone. And to him that made it worth it to come to school the past 9 weeks. But now I'm gone and he doesn't see the point. I will never forget this young man. He taught me more about life, love, hope, and faith than any rich, white person ever has or will. There is still hope for Him because our Father is a God who is mighty to save! My God has plans for this sweet young man. The world would say he will end up dead or in jail - I'm embarassed to say I've said that too. But I will continue to pray in faith that something will make a difference, and that those plans will be carried out. That he will have hope even now that I'm gone. That he'll discover it wasn't me that made a difference in his life the past 9 weeks - it was Christ in me. As difficult as these past 9 weeks were and as impossible as it seemed to make it through, I am so thankful for my time there. I pray God will continue to use it. He is such a good and faithful God! And praise God, I did make it through :)