Kisses from Heaven

I don't really know how to even begin to describe the last couple days. All I know is through the ups and downs and surprises, God's faithfulness has been so evident! I feel like He has constantly given me little "kisses from Heaven" as I've heard it called before as encouragement.

A couple of weeks ago I really started struggling with some ungodly things that have been going on in my group of "friends" and in some of my church groups. There were situations that I wasn't sure how God was calling me to handle, and that was really hard. I had a lot of security in those places/groups/relationships because they were familiar, even if they weren't necessarily good. But God's faithfulness and guidance helped me step out of the comfort zone of the familiar into being able to see His heart. So, I had taken some time to step back from these groups and friendships. I didn't have any contact with people from them which worked out okay since it was over the holidays and many people have been gone for various reasons. Then I was incredibly sick and then had my scope and was out of commission again. But there was one friend who I was avoiding in trying to figure things out. She called a couple times over break and I didn't return her phone calls. I figured it would just be easiest to ignore her and sooner or later she'd stop wanting to be friends anyway. It broke my heart to lose one of the only people I consider a true friend, but I thought it would be easiest. You'd think I would have learned by now though, that God often doesn't call us to do what is easiest! So yesterday there is an unexpected knock on my door. It was my friend. She hugged me and handed me a card that just simply but perfectly had Psalm 16:11 written on it. I cried. It wasn't the card or the fact that she had shown up at my door, but it was God's faithfulness, His guidance, His clarity that made me smile and feel and be so thankful for the little kiss from Heaven that guided the last bit of what I needed to do in the situation with friends and groups at this point. A simple act of kindness by an amazing sister in Christ that reminded me how much my God loves me :)

I'm still praying through where God is leading me to be church/friend/group wise this semester. I feel that He is calling me away from some of the ungodly things going on. Not that these groups are bad, because their intentions are solid. But I feel like He is just leading me away from slander and gossip right now. He is reminding me frequently of being on guard against people who bring division among the body of Christ. Don't get me wrong, I'm not at all saying I think everyone should leave these groups where there are people doing this. This is just where I feel God is leading me in a new season of life I am entering. This past semester I went to a small group every other Monday, every Tuesday, some Wednesdays, and every Thursday and I went to two church services on Sunday. They all offered great things, but I'm pretty sure this season of life is not going to include all of them for me. So, I'm just seeking God's guidance on where He wants me and where I am going to grow the way He wants me to. He's bringing quite a bit of clarity though, so I'm not worried :)

Yesterday I had a conversation with someone I love dearly (I won't say who out of respect for their privacy) that absolutely took me by surprise! It wasn't easy to hear what they were saying, and it wasn't at all what I wanted to hear. It broke my heart that they informed me that they thought maybe they were agnostic. But God's timing is perfect. Looking back, I can see that that conversation was on the brink of happening for sometime now. The reason it hadn't happened yet was because God was still preparing me and my heart for it. We talked for hours, I got to share my heart and God's truth. Questions were raised that I didn't always have the answer to, but God did not let Satan have any room to creep in and cause doubt in me - when I got home He gave me the verses to read that answered the questions I didn't know specific answers to! I cried, again! Haha, but how awesome is that! And how amazingly faithful is our God! I can't say that this person accepted Christ right then and there as I of course would have loved, but the door is open. And God is moving and I know He won't give up. So I won't either. He's stirring something up, and I'm excited and honored to be a part of it!

I've been very pressed for money recently. I stopped working in November. I randomly worked one day in December but don't have a job for this semester. I was pretty stressed because while I have always ended up being able to pay my bills, it was looking pretty much impossible for me this month. Yesterday I calculated how much money I had to take to the bank compared to how much I needed to pay the bills. I dreaded doing this but was shocked to find out I was only $100 short. I had that much saved so it was going to be okay. Then today I went to my parents' house. My mail from one of my jobs (the one I randomly worked one day for in December) still goes there. I had gotten my check and it was for $96.57! Another sweet kiss from Heaven! Thank you God for always providing!

So let's see, what else is new in my life? Well, the big thing I've been praying through is where my life is headed! I graduate in May - May 9th to be exact! I have to teach in Illinois for 2 years after that. (The state paid all of my tuition the last 4 years, so that's the deal) I'm not sure where God is leading me to be in Illinois though. I've lived here my entire life and have friends, family, and church here. That makes it very hard to leave, but I don't have a peace, at least yet, that He is calling me to stay here. I'm not too worried about it right now though. I'm just praying that He will lead me where I need to be, opening every door that needs to be opened, and shutting the ones that need to be shut! I'm excited to find out what He has in store for me after graduation, which is a little weird for me because normally I'm completely scared of the unknown! I'm also praying hard about Ethiopia! I can't get it off my heart and mind. I think about Ethiopia and the orphans there constantly! I'm not sure why and what that means for my life. I desperately want to go there. But for now, I'm just praying God's will and not mine in the situation and that it will be clearly revealed to me!

The last thing I can think of to mention for now is that I'm still praying about the medical stuff. I still basically have no answers and therefore no treatment. Some days are harder than others. Yesterday was one of those hard days. It took me three hours from the time I woke up until I was able to actually get out of bed. The pain throughout my entire body was just excruciating. It got a little better throughout the day but was still pretty miserable overall. I dread waking up in the morning because that's when it's the worst. But this morning was a good day :) I woke up and was able to get out of bed within 15 minutes of waking up. I've felt better today than I have in a while! It was just nice and encouraging to have a day that I felt okay and was able to get stuff done!

God is good! Through it all, the hard stuff, the good stuff, all of it, He is so faithful! I feel so blessed to know Him and to have a relationship with Him!

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. ~ Zephaniah 3:17