What a Week....

It's been a very rough week, so put it simply. I am challenged every day to reach out to some high school students that have experienced the cruel realities of a harsh world at an unfairly young age. That can be very frustrating to say the least. I am exhausted beyond words. The fatigue is to the point that I know that it is only on God's strength alone that I actually made it through each day this week. The pain is terrible. It's been pretty bad all week, but tonight was the hardest to deal with. Tonight I went to a salsa dance party at the house that 6 of my amazing brothers in Christ live at. These are always sure to be a good time. But the pain was unbelievable. I tried to pull it off for a while that I felt fine but ultimately wasn't able to do much dancing and had to leave early because I was feeling so miserable. It's so hard to accept the defeat of the pain when this happens. It's hard to not be the fun 22 year old I want to be because I'm in too much pain to hang out or dance. It's hard to still not have answers. The test results that were supposed to take a month to get back came in the mail yesterday (a week and a half after I had them done). Everything was negative, which was a shock. Could be good I guess, but still doesn't explain why my ANA level is classified as extremely elevated (between 1 and 40 is normal - mine is 640). It also still leaves no answers as to why I am experience such tremendous amounts of pain and unbelievable fatigue. I have conquered and overcome so many strong holds Satan had in my life. I feel like because of that he has moved on to my body. This is so hard because I feel so helpless. I just have to pray that the physical effects do not effect my mind because it is so easy to let his lies creep in due to the frustration of the pain and lack of answers. I'm also so sick of the division he brings within the body. It makes me mad how he fills our heads with lies and messes up the design God intended for the body. I'm so sick of ungodly gossip and slander that I feel like I can't get away from. I'm not giving up on any of these battles though. I'm waging war!

Through all this, I know God is good and faithful. I'm seeing little miracles that are so encouraging. He is breaking my heart for people which is painful, but makes rejoicing with them in the victories and acts of obedience all the better! He is bringing healing and restoration to relationships I once believed were hopeless. He constantly brings me so much hope - hope for me, for my friends, for my family, for the lost and the broken! I was listening to the radio on my way to the salsa party tonight. The song, Everlasting God, came on saying, "strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord!" There's been a lot of waiting, but God has given me strength through the waiting. I just pray that my strength in Him will continue to rise as I wait for answers, for healing, for relationships to be fully restored, etc. For now He will be my comforter. The enemy will not have victory over my mind. I will not feel lonely and helpless because it does seem like I have no friends and with my family not being Christians I feel so alone. But the Lord is my strength. He is my rock, and He will never leave me or forsake me! Praise God for that!
~Jenna