More Seizures....

Well, I had 5 more seizures last night. Still no clue why they are happening. They put me on Keppra today to try to prevent more. I really believe God's going to use all the trials I've been going through lately. I have no clue how, but it's definitely a learning process. Learning how to deal with the unexpected, learning how to deal with undesirable situations, embarassing circumstances that are out of my control, the loss of friends, etc. Hard situations like this bring revelation I think. It's showing me who I am, who God is, who my friends are, and who my friends aren't. Most of my friends are going to be at a church event tonight. The guys are fixing dinner for the girls and then the girls are hanging out, watching movies, and having a slumber party. All sounds like wonderful Christian fun. Until you start excluding and cutting off parts of the body. I was told I was not welcome because I might have a seizure again. I've gone through dealing with the pain and hurt that that brought me personally. It hurts to be excluded, especially for something so silly. No, I cannot promise I won't have a seizure, but should I live the rest of my life in a box in case I do? I say no, and I'm pretty sure God does too. I've moved on though from being broken for me to being broken for the body of Christ. What is this saying about Christians? What does this imply about the body? I feel strongly it is a very wrong interpretation of the body. For the body to work properly, all parts are necessary. You don't cut off parts of the body just because they aren't perfect. However, I've been cut off because I'm not perfect. Because I have an illness that could happen or not happen but it's out of my control. My heart is breaking for other members of the body that have been cut off and are being excluded for churches, Bible studies, etc. because they aren't perfect either. These are the ones we should be reaching out to all the more, not pushing away. My heart is breaking because this is the reason my parents aren't Christians. Because sadly all they see in Christians and Christianity is judgement, exclusions, hypocriticalness, and people not walking their talk. What would it look like if we all just loved EVERYONE like Jesus? Oh, I so desperately want to know! But for now, I dry the tears and move forward - pressing forward for HIS kingdom! I will not let Satan control my life through seizures and ungodly Christians. I will fight. I will love. I will praise Him.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your great. “I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” Jeremiah 29:11-14