Ready to be done - and other ramblings....

It's crazy to think that one week from now, the awefulness of these past 4 years will come to an end. I'm more than ready. I have 4 projects due Monday and being the procrastinator that I am, it's a busy weekend! There's been a lot of hard work put into these past 4 years, but honestly I don't feel like I've accomplished much - at least not what's being celebrated. There's been drama, frustration, and even tears over walking in the graduation ceremony as well as a graduation party. My parents want me to walk. While I am 22 years old and can make my own decisions, they want me to walk so badly that it's not worth it to me to fight it. They think it's a big, important accomplishment. Me, not so much. I'm getting a piece of paper that says I did it, I made it through these past 4 years. And while that's cool because there were more times that I could count that I didn't think that was going to happen, I still don't feel accomplished. What difference does that piece of paper make? Will it ever make a difference? I'm afraid it won't. I don't feel like I received a wonderful education that makes me so much better than others. I'm actually not that happy with the education I received. As for being better than others, that piece of paper is far from how I want to be remembered. I want to be someone that makes a difference. Someone that loves others - not for what piece of paper they hold, but simply love them because Jesus does. I want to feed the hungry. I want to love the unloved. I want to hold babies that aren't held. I want to rescue orphans. That's the kind of difference I want to make. I want people to see Christ in me - and I want to be distinguished by that, not by my piece of paper. I'm not doing any of that, so I struggle with having a celebration. We did settle on a party, but I'm not celebrating that piece of paper - I'm celebrating the work Christ has done in me over the past 4 years that has gotten me to where I am today. Without that work, I wouldn't have those desires, so I am thankful for that. The strength of Christ alone got me through, and I will praise Him for that! Needless to say, it'll be good to be done on Thursday. I hope my parents are happy sitting through a ridiculously boring 2 hours to watch me walk across that stage - I'm doing it because I love them! And I hope that during the celebration that night, Christ gets the glory!

I've decided that our family is keeping the medical industry in business. Two aunts had surgery last week. And then of course my dad has his too. We're praying that they got the whole tumor - they won't know for 2 weeks. But that surgery was way too painful for him to go through again, so please join me in praying that they got it all and the cancer would be gone!
To keep things unusual, my little cousin is having a bone removed from her foot this coming week! Praying that that surgery and recovery goes smoothly! Everyone thought it was crazy weird when it was discovered that I had an extra bone in my foot that was causing the severe pain I was in and needed it removed! Then I had to have it done again! And now my little cousin has the same thing! Weird! But it'll feel tons better once that annoying bone is gone!
I go back to my neurologist on Monday. I'm praying that I will be released to drive then. We'll see though. I'm pretty fearful that this will not happen, and just really not sure how I can handle the loss of independence and the ability to work any longer.

I will be moving to a new apartment in June. I'm pretty excited for this - it has more of a grown up feel, which is good since I will be a grown up teacher and all :)

I don't know what to get my mom for mother's day. I feel like a failure as a daughter, but I've just got no ideas :(

My heart is still in Africa. I don't understand why my heart is there but I am not. God is way too confusing on this issue, and it is very frustrating! I just wanna be there....

I'm done rambling for now - I need to go to bed. I'm SO tired!

Praying your weekend is blessed!

Much love,
Jenna