Why am I here?

I'm struggling with that question so hard today. Why am I here? I probably sound like a broken record. Different days, different brokeness and frustrations, but same cry and longing. I'm frustrated with the hold Satan has on this community. I'm frustrated with the church (not a church, but the church as a whole). The Christian attitude is appalling. It's so clear to me why people, some of who I care so much about, don't want anything to do with this Christian thing. Because what they see is not even close to love. Why is that such a hard concept? Why can't we just love people like Jesus? Why do we not help the needy? Or if we do, why do we do it for ourselves? My heart is in Africa. I believe my calling is there (I've got a clear and oh so frustrating "wait" from God, but believe it will eventually be "go, beloved!") But I want to see change here. I want to see the body of Christ loving people, accepting people, not judging them! Satan's got a foothold on so many non-Christians here, but what's even more sad and I believe far more dangerous is the grip he has on Christians, and we're not even seeing it. How many of us can talk up the great Christian talk but don't walk the walk. We've gotta start walkin' that walk - loving Jesus AND others! I will not stop praying, and I will not stop fighting. My God is mighty to save! He can move mountains, and I will not just accept this war Satan has waged. I will fight! Bring it on! Lord, show me how to be like You, how to love like You, how to serve like You! I don't want to just serve one day because it's a good thing to do. I want to serve everyday. I want the love and light of Christ to shine threw me without ceasing!

On other notes....
I love my family :) They truly mean so much to me! I have interviews coming up the next two weeks. I always said I would never announce that because of the embarassment if I don't get a job I interview for. But, I'm going to try not to be embarrased. I want to be in a job where God wants me, doing what He wants me to do. So I pray that whatever and where ever that is, He would just open that door. And where ever that is not, may He close those doors tightly. So although I don't particularly want to hear that someone doesn't want me, haha, I pray that that would just be God's hand in guiding me to where HE wants me! May His will be over these interviews! I have 3 weeks 'till graduation which is crazy! I have SO much work to do before then, but I'm so happy it's such a short time! My fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and migraines have all been pretty bad lately. I think maybe it's all the weather changes. I don't know, but I'm pushing through. My God is good! I miss my kiddos that I work with that have severe special needs. They sure know how to capture this girl's heart, and I miss being with them. 3 more weeks though, and then I should get to spend some time with my precious ones! Yay :) The Cubbies game today was pretty sweet - go cubs go! Much love to all! Praying you feel the comfort and peace this week that only God can bring, and may you feel His love ever so present!

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountaines, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor, and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres. Love never fails. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:1-8